How my love for teaching started by not teaching very well.

I've been an English teacher for six years. Those six years have been more of a learning experience than a teaching one because there was so much about the profession that I wasn't aware of. I've lived abroad for those six years, so unsurprisingly,it was not only a lesson on teaching but a lesson on creating a new life for myself. As time passed, I realised several important points that have changed the way I approach teaching.

1.Being native doesn't make you a good teacher The first lesson in humility was that being a native speaker didn't mean I could teach. Being curious didn't help my credentials either. Nor did an impressive South London accent. Or great stories about my move from London to Lisbon. It certainly made class activities bearable to me. But what I realised was that I just had lots of students finding me pleasant without learning anything new. Plus I was running out of stories. Which leads me to the next point.

2.Talking about your pet Iguana, your travels to Nepal, and crazy members of your family will eventually tire you out.As it did with me. I don't disagree with sharing personal stories. It is a way of engaging students into relaxed conversation that don't focus on stiff grammar exercises. It increases the confidence of students not to mention making it fun. But here's the but, and it's a significant but. What happened to me over time was that some students forgot what their objectives were. They forgot to ask me questions about the language because I gave little opportunity for them to do so. Talking about my terrible morning at the post office was what did it. Some students asked for more guidance, more structure, more actual teaching, which, when given the cue, I was happy in having a go at being a 'proper teacher'.These were the students that were fully aware of what they needed to learn in the x number of months they had paid to study here. It was a reminder to me that I really had to be more considerate of this fact. That not all the students wanted to simply chat.

3.Lavishing too much praise.
I became aware that lavishing praise on students without them knowing why was not only insincere but disregarded the students particular weaknesses and strengths. Not only that but some students went on to have a distorted perception of their language skills. Some thought they were better than they actually were which I think is more damaging in the long run than those who think their language skills are worse than they are. I've since found that it's a lot easier to improve confidence in a student by helping them through difficult grammar points, than finding a sensitive way of explaining to advanced level students that they need to study the tenses again. It embarassed me when I knew that a number of my students from previous years went out into the world with questionable language skills. All because of me not having an honest teaching approach.

4.Teach with confidence.
I followed lesson plans to such precision, that I may as well have not been physically present. Other times I tried ignoring the lesson plans altogether, but that left me with nothing to guide me except a hesitant desire to do my best. Whatever that entailed. This created a haphazard teaching style, an inconsistent appoach that reflected my lack of confidence as a teacher.
I finally faced up to things once I returned from my maternity leave, that I had to be more accountable for my work, since it was after all where I was spending the majority of my time. I looked at ways to manage my time, so that I could read more, write more, and plan lessons of my own. This brings me to my final point.

5. Teach what you know, not what you don't.
By getting back to my old reading and writing habits, I understood what I needed to learn in order to improve my teaching skills. I also reminded myself of things I already knew too. I think it's essential for anybody, no matter what field you're in, to excell in it in whatever way you can. It puts you in control, makes you think about how much of an impact you can have on the lives of others despite the bad pay or lousy office space. it demonstrates resilience and most of all, getting involved makes the working day fly by. There is no 'making it through to the end of the day'. There's less resistence or struggle when you are willing to be good at what you do.

I love what I do now, because I started to try out new things, learn about them, rather than find new ways to make it through the day. I never saw myself as a teacher until I had no choice but to, given the language barrier and being an Art History graduate when arriving in Lisbon. Art History, if you don't know already, is the most useless degree ever. Enjoyed it, but completely useless. Six years later and I am still here, still not sure what my 'calling is' and I'm not sure I ever will. In the meantime, I'm helping a few individuals get a step up in life by providing them a valuable skill; learning a language. My parents moved to England in the late seventies. . I grew up in a home where three languages were used daily; Bangla,Arabic and English. It is what I know best and what I have to know better if other people are depending on it.

So I think I can assume, I've got a little soft spot for teaching. I never thought I'd say it, but there you go, I said it.

What counts and what doesn't.

If it weren't for some of my wonderful students.
If it wasn't for my baby and his little hands tugging at my earlobes.
If it weren't for my husband's efforts to make me laugh.
If it weren't for my best friends efforts to make me laugh even harder.
If it wasn't for our cleaner who comes once a week and spends more time singing to my baby in Romanian than actually cleaning
If it weren't for all of these things.

I don't really think I could manage. No way.
Just goes to show. Not being a people person doesn't mean I don't need anyone. Everybody does. The difference between the few in the picture and the majority that aren't? The few know you better than the rest. Sometimes even more than you'd like. They'll be there for the long haul.
Live well.
Have fun.
Just don't lean on people who can't be there for you after the party's over. How do you figure that out? The ones who care are usually the ones helping you clear up long after everybody else have upped and left. That's when you know. That's when you also know, particularly in the case when nobody stays behind, which can happen,that you are your own closest ally too.
Which is why I shouldn't forget this very important point.
If it weren't for me, just plain old me, keeping pretty much true to myself, I really wouldn't be as happy as I am today.

Solitude

I've always struggled with solitude. I've not known how to benefit from it without letting it overwhelm me. There are two sides to solitude. It isolates you and makes you difficult to reach. You keep to yourself for long periods of time and people start forgetting to call in once in a while. But it can also give you the environment needed to rest, to tend to things with care and attention, and to retreat from the daily demands of work and family. Since I'm a little on the quiet side, I've noticed that Im sensitive to solitude on both ends. It means that I can really enjoy solitude fully, but I tend to feel the isolation of it after long spells. I guess that explains the struggle really. I look for ways out when I've spent too much time in. But this all starts with me wanting time in, first and foremost.
Perhaps its not a struggle at all. It's just a case of knowing which side of me wants to be alone most. The reading writing thinking in me, or the sad and lonely in me. Solitude in small doses for the latter, and an abundance for the former.

Thats a view from outside our home. That's the best visual definition of solitude I could come up with.

2011.The year that is

and this year will be a great one. It really will.

I wrote about my bookreading goal last week. I have two books winging their way from the land of Amazon and they should arrive at my doorstep next week. I'm looking forward to reading them. Writing down exactly what books i want to read left my mind free of the responsibility to grasp onto passing interests and desires. The amount of books that caught my eye, only to be forgotten again are countless. I've given my mind a bit of a vacation in that respect.
There are other specific things I would like to do too, and I'm going to stick to them no matter what it takes. It's interesting when a lot of people may consider the act of goal writing as lacking in spontaneity (for the carefree) or devoid of realist thinking (for the pessimists) I appreciate both spontaneity and realism. Its true that there is so much to enjoy in the world without needing to plan for it. Its also true that there are unexpected obstacles that we can never fully prepare for. I realise this. But the greatest feeling I've encountered eversince I started thinking about the future ahead of me, was the sense of clarity mentally and emotionally. Instead of restraining me to a set of rules I needed to abide by, its actually felt very freeing. I have energy to be spontaneous. But I had to organise random stuff in my head to feel that fully. Its also made me feel very humble too. I know there will be setbacks and unexpected events, but I always have a choice - and so many people around the world categorically don't. Unless something catastrophic happens in my life, I can recover from obstacles with a calmer more thoughtful perspective.
I have a baby boy sitting near me. He's my direction in life. If I get lost, I just need to keep him in sight to remember how privelaged my life is.

2010 the year that was

There may have been so many things I could have done better, but there are also plenty I achieved. Heres what worked out well.

1. I struggled through a depression spurred by a complicated birth in a complicated country with complicated issues. But I got through it.
2. I have raised a wonderful child alongside my brilliant husband with very little dependancy on anyone to assist us. Not needing to ask for help gave me a real feeling of self-sufficiency.
3. There was so much I could do despite the biggest of obstacles. We renovated the house of our dreams and spent months living in chaos with an infant who was sick through much of the winter, in order to achieve that. We could have given up but we didn't.
4. I took my work into my own hands and became much better with my time management.
5. I spent more time thinking about the people I love, even when not being able to see them, it really helped me dwell less on feelings of loneliness or not being understood. I became a lot more accountable for the kinds of relationships I invite into my life.
6. I got back into reading again
7. I got back into blogging again.
8. I did things that felt right for me even if it wasn't the norm, like closing my Facebook account. It worked for me and I'm proud to stand by this fact.

What was your year like in 2010?