A cherry blossom for a friend.

The long-haired book-reading goddess

Last year it was crochet, papier mache, dolls and wanting to meet more mamas. The year before that it was writing, poetry, and learning to be more sociable.

This year it's all about instilling healthier habits into my life. Habits that make sense for me. Ideas that don't make me feel crap, instead, they make me feel like I'm fulfilling a more authentic version of me.
Introducing the long haired book reading goddess! Well,my new name is open to modification. But for now, this fits me just fine.

So this year, I have managed to stick to a fewer number of projects, let go of some unhealthy thoughts and feelings, and learnt to really enjoy what's RIGHT for me because the real failure for me is holding on to things without doing anything to make it better. More constructive to let another person do a better job of it.
What I've stuck to
Pilates. I am feeling the burn and the burn feels goooood.
Blogging. Just have to tell myself to keep at it.
Reading. Exchanging books with friends, and ordered a few from Amazon.
Painting. Just completed a small watercolour as a gift for a friend.
Self work. I know it sounds cheesy, but through one of my closest friends, I've done a lot of soul searching and worked my way to a better understanding of how I relate to others.
Waking up Early. The ONLY way I can do most of the above. Or I sleep and do none of it. I think I made the right choice.

And heres what I've said farewell to
Crochet. Lost that cozy feeling. It went as soon as I realised how insanely old it made me feel.
Short hair. I had this sudden urge earlier in the year to go for the chop. I thought it would somehow bring out a more refined sophisticated, up to date version of me. But now I know,that would have been a version of somebody else. Not me. I was born to be a completely unsophisticated goddess with crazy long hair.
Being so damn introverted. I love this side of myself because I think my quiet natured self allows me to be more thoughtful, creative, and sensitive to beauty, love, happy things. But I've also realised that there is a side to it that just doesn't help me at all. And I don't want to identify with that anymore. It has made me make very bad decisions, lose friendships, and increase self loathing. The worst thing about it though is that it's prevented me from having more love for myself and for others. Not a good thing, no matter who you are.

There you go. lots of deep and meaningful stuff here. But that's who I am.
I'm a deep and meaningful goddess.
Long haired to boot.

Tough geeks rule

About three weeks ago I decided to do a pilates workout three times a week at home. I have no idea what inspired me to do it, and equally disturbing to me (in a good way) how I'm still keeping it up. All I do know is that its made me feel pretty superduper. I am naturally slim, and I say this in a totally unsmug way because I've been likened to an Eritrean long distance runner coming last in the Olympics, rather than Giselle Bunchen not a sultry slim, a very awkward geeky slim, so there is absolutely nothing to be smug about here. I never felt I needed to exercise because i didn't want to lose more weight, and because I didn't think i had an molecule of muscle power to do it anyway. But holy moses, how wrong I was. I had no idea just how much good it would do me in terms of building my toughness, well not building it, since I had zero toughness to begin with, but introducing me to a tough centred stronger me.
-Hello tougher centred stronger Khairun.
-Hello who the hell are you?
. I may be slim, but I am weak. I'm weak in so many areas of my life. The worst being in taking initiatives, standing up for myself, having a firm voice. My voice is not a voice. It's a squeak. When i get into any lengthy conversation, i jump from one idea to the next, I can never get the right word to express something, even when that very word is on the tip of my tongue. I have no sense of centre. Add all this to my Eritrean roots, and what do you have? a long distance runner who doesn't believe her skinny legs can take her anywhere. I've noticed something in myself that needs to be fixed, and it makes total sense to fix it. and all the strange pilates positions and stretches, have given my weakness a proper thrashing. I have no idea whats happening, but I feel like the geek in me doesn't slouch anymore, her back's straight and she can look at the world directly.
She's still a geek. But shes a tough geek!

A little piece of lemon..

I'm in awe of how easy it was to make this and how yummy it turned out.
This will be on the list of things to bake for my husbands birthday next month.

Lemon Meringue Tart

Base

A packet of rich tea biscuits (or Donna Maria if you're in Portugal)
125g unsalted butter

Filling

A tin of condensed milk
125ml lemon juice (about 3 lemons)
3 egg yolks

Meringue topping

3 egg whites
125g caster sugar

Preheat oven to 180 degrees


1.Crush the biscuits. You can wrap them in a tea towel and release your new found passion for baking with a rolling pin.
2. Add melted butter and mix. Press into a pre greased tart tin or dish.
3. Put it in the fridge so that it can set.
4. Mix the condensed milk, lemon juice and egg yolks in a bowl.
5. With the remaining egg whites, beat and gradually add the sugar until white satin peaks form. You can also add a spoon of cornstarch to thicken it.
6. Start assembling! Take the base out of the fridge. Spread the filling first and spoon the meringue on top. You can use a pipe bag if you happen to have one. It would certainly make it look a lot prettier than mine.
7. Pop it in the oven for 15 to 20 minutes, or until the meringue is browned lightly.
8. Once done, allow to cool and eat it on the same day or pop it in the fridge and eat it the following day. But trust me, you won't wait that long.

Is it really possible?

Could anything be more divine, more beautiful, more heavenly, than this baby of ours?

He is the reason why I do what I do, why I keep wanting my life to be better. Because he's in it. He came into my unprepared, naive, hesitant life, making the mess that was me suddenly feel beautiful and joyful and full of possibilities.

Sunny day

It would be a shame to waste it!

Blossom

This is a watercolour drawing for a friend. Not quite finished though. I'd like to add some white lines to the leaves but I need to get a better brush.

Homemade play dough

To make it you need

1 cup of water
1 cup of salt
2 tablespoons of vegetable oil
flour
cornstarch
food colouring or tempera paint

Mix the water, salt oil and paint together. Use as much paint or food colouring as you think you'll need in order to get the right vibrancy in colour. Then all you need to do is add flour and cornstarch to the paste until it gets nice and thick. Knead it like you would with dough until most of the moisture has been absorbed.

To store it, keep in any airtight container. If it gets a little sweaty, just add flour to it.

He loved it. Until he realised it didn't taste very good. Then he just poked at it with a crayon like it was some kind of hideous washed up jelly fish.

There comes a time to start

Starting things is what I do best. Knowing the best time to start is what I do worst. Like getting enthusiastic about Pilates a week before discovering I was pregnant, buying art materials whilst moving into and renovating a house, painting a mural in Isaacs old bedroom, only to move out and painting over it, six months later.
The bad timing worked in our favour when we moved out. It looked terrible; me returning to my full time schedule at work, all three of us sleeping on a mattress, on the floor of Antonios old bedroom whilst waiting for our house to be ready. We ended up staying six weeks rather than the very optimistic five days.
But in the end, we couldn't have done it at a better time. And we are happier for taking that risk, of not waiting for the right time, as so many people often do.
I've learnt that there is a time, and there just isn't a time, there are things that need careful planning and things that don't, and it's taken me a while to discover what goes in what.

The Go Slowly List

1. Pilates.
I've started doing pilates three times a week. It's not to lose weight in mind, as I am already skinny. I just want to work on my strength and general well being.

2. Portuguese
I came up with a great way to practice. I speak a little everyday with one of my colleagues at work. It is tricky getting some Portuguese in, considering I am an English teacher in a school where speaking Portuguese is severely restricted, but I try to keep it discreet. I'm also doing the same with my husband, speaking to him when Isaac isn't around as I want to make sure my son only hears me speaking in English.
I feel like an Portuguese secret agent!

3. Minimalist skin and haircare routine

I've gone back to the joys of growing my hair long and strong again. That means fewer times using shampoo, lots of coconut oil to keep it in good condition and waiting very patiently to get it looking like it used to, LONG! Ive been using coconut oil for my skin moisturiser too. No more Clinique products. My skin has been a lot better since doing this

4. No T.V

Now that the weathers getting better, I feel I'm less tempted to switch on the T.V to keep Isaac occupied for short periods at a time. Instead, I've been listening to podcasts with him or going out into the garden. I rarely watch the box these days which I'm really happy about. There is just nothing more frustrating to me than to sit in front of it whilst thinking about all the better things I could be doing.

5. Drawing

Last night I had a look at some art blogs from my favourites and the fire in my heart just lit up again. I got all my art materials out and began drawing again. No objectives, no pressure. Just enjoying the return of this feeling which I haven't had in a long time. Hurrahh!! I have finally started!