Thursday, 26 August 2010

No more Mrs Nice Girl

Now that ive hit the big 3 0, ive decided to be painfully predictable and create a list of things that are in dire need of change. Ive stopped befriending my sensitivity, aiding its nonchalant attitude towards life, supporting its futile cause, wiping its tears for the last time. It doesnt do me any favours, it doesnt help anybody else. It just sits in a corner like a child who refuses to smile, wanting to leave the party. Theres nothing endearing about being sensitive. It doesnt make me a good person. It tires people, tests their patience. Im sick of it. I know there will always be a slight fragility to my personality: completely normal for an introverted soul like me, but im tired of having its back, when its never had mine. I have to speak my truth more, step on a few toes if thats the case, i have to accept that thats all a necessary part of being couragous, of being present in the world. Im tired of wanting to please, or worrying if i hurt another persons feelings by not pleasing enough. Im always questioning my motives. Thats it. No more! Everyday, im going to do something, no matter how small, that expresses my truth with courage and commitment. Im going to experience the exhilaration of not being nice. Of being judged. Because thats the only way i ll know how committed i am towards supporting myself.

3 comments:

Erika Lee Sears said...

You can do it! You are so talented and you deserve that 1 small thing to yourself. I had a friend who said- I am going to commit to making my bed this week. Because who doesn't love a made bed? :)

Flower Girl said...

Khairun!!!!! You are back!! I'm so excited to see my buddy back at it. and happy big 3-0. and congrats on stepping it up - sounds like true freedom. yay, awesome awesome.

khairun said...

Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. They truly made my day.

Much love
Khairun