I planted these little lovelies around mid-January and they've finally flowered! I thought they were supposed to be white and yellow. Guess they decided to surprise me. They have a lovely scent too and with a nice sunny spot in our livingroom, I hope they can stick around a while longer seeing as I had to wait so long for them. I'm not what you'd call an avid gardener. The mood for it comes and goes. In fact I would say just about everything I do depends on my mood for it; painting, writing, reading, paying the bills, charging my mobile, going to work.... I pretty much do what I want to do. There are disadvantages to it though. There are times when you do have to shake yourself out of that ' I just don't feel like it' mood. I mean, I couldn't imagine a penguin waddling up to the water for a refreshing dip and then suddenly deciding that he just didn't fancy it and waddles back to where he came from. Penguins jump in. We have second thoughts. We are quite adept at having no particular reason for doing nothing much in particular. Is ennui, this nondescript impulse to just sit on your backside and stare into space-is it a condition specifically designed to get in the way of doing regular things, even things that should be of pleasure to us? Or the opposite. Is it a reason to just sit still, stop fidgeting and notice how quiet we can be inside our heads? I think alot of us battle with it more than we care to admit. Lack of time,opportunity and money is what we'd normally call it. No time to go to the cinema, have a drink with friends, read a good book crochet, cook, chat, breathe, live. No time to stop hanging out with people you secretly can't stand, no time to end a lousy relationship. Or sort out that severe constipation your bowels have been complaining of for the past five days.There is never enough time, money or opportunity to end a lousy constipated relationship with a person you secretly can't stand. Why are we such gluttons for punishment? Many of us substitute the good things in life with a multitude of reasons to not do them. We often play down spontaneity as 'silly ideas',small pleasures as downright laziness. We can't jump in like cute little penguins, but we also can't stand walking away, avoiding things yet again. Doing nothing is worse than doing everything. Everything you'd rather not do, that is.
I'm a happy little penguin in a happy marriage. We've fought plenty of times but I think what keeps us together is that we simply don't have expectations of each other to do or be better. We take comfort and pleasure in what we have together. We don't fight the feeling. We've got the ennui within our happiness at a healthy level, hovering somewhere between spontaneity and calm. Sometimes we'll go and do something different, before going back to the calm of what we have.
Read, laugh, play, talk to yourself, plant tulips in teapots and make granny squares. Fight those evil ennui goblins away. Or make them your friendly servants, dishing out moments of peace and quiet and not much else.
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